[ Message Board · Trouble with Comics · Reviews · Essays · Interviews · Audio Interviews · Facebook · writeblog · A Criminal Blog · Kochalkaholic · FAQ · E-Mail ]

Friday, November 25, 2005

Dream -- I awake from sleep to notice that, through the blinds, I can see Susan A and someone else -- maybe Joe D, or her husband -- looking through the blinds at me. They think I am still sleeping and I pretend I am because it's so odd and I don't know what's going on.

I sense more people outside, and then I notice Jerry B and a second later his sister Amy, who I have long felt unresolved feelings of guilt and loss toward because of the way our friendship ended.

The window to my bedroom apparently in the dream is a sliding door, and she opens it up and boldly comes in (a very Amy kind of thing to do, now that I think about it) and sit on the edge of the bed, apparently realizing that I am awake.

I realize that Amy and all these other people must be here because today is my 40th birthday (actually two months from today, but today actually IS my son's birthday in waking life), and Amy tells me that I'm right in a way that suggests I am foolish to think all these people WOULDN'T come to see me on my 40th birthday.

We talk briefly, and Amy tells me that she's changed her name to Tara Lyn something -- she tells me the last name, but all I remember is that it makes me think she has gotten married to someone I don't know (our friendship ended years ago when I found out she was secretly dating a friend of mine, and even though we were not involved, the two of them both knew how much I cared for her and I guess didn't want to hurt my feelings...there were other issues, too).

When she tells me her new name, I am overcome with joy, as if she is revealing a deep part of herself that I have been denied access to for 20 years -- it signals both a new intimacy and a reopening of our friendship, which in the dream seems to be what I want more than anything in the world. In waking life I am not as concerned with the issue, but it feels like the dream was definitely tapping into a subconscious wound of some importance.

As Amy and I continue to talk, a group of kids comes in to wish me a happy birthday, and my son gives me a hug. I notice that a little girl has joined the hug and seems quite happy to be hugging Aaron -- then I realize it's Katie, who is the daughter of my wife's sister's boyfriend. Katie's a sweet girl who actually does seem to have a crush on Aaron, and hours before the dream my wife told me that she is going to be permanently living with her sister and the boyfriend after years of weekend visits, because her mother is giving full custody over to the girl's father.

Then I woke up.

The primary elements of the dream seemed to be closure of my unresolved feelings of loss with Amy and the renewal of a relationship with her, a great swelling feeling of happiness that all these people were coming to my birthday party, that I mattered that much to them -- and finally with Katie and Aaron a feeling of continuity and family, a love for and acceptance of the various connections and relationships between myself and my children and beyond that into their own possible futures.

Immediately upon waking I was overcome with a contemplative, lingering sense of joy. It lasted as long as it took me to rise from the bed and think to myself, quite realistically, "THAT will never happen."


Post a Comment

<< Home





Banks are regarded the best option for making a safe investments as well as having world wide accepted creditcard. People are not only facilitated by loans but also provided debt management consolidation by the leading banks. Students can also get loans as well as apply for student loan consolidation. At the same time high flying insurance companies also contribute to the any one’s life through offering different plans of life, health and dental insurance. Along insurance of life one can also enhance its home security through installing latest home security systems.

This page is powered by ADD.